I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
