All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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