May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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