Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
