I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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