yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
