I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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