It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
