Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My first STD was from a foam party
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
