She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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