He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
