what day is it and did you see me today?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
