I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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