I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
