Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
