:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
