Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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