I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i dont even know how to be here
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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