this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
