Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
