She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
