eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
