just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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