Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
