I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
