don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
