Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At least make sure they are 18
Why
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
