There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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