alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
