He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
