Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
