I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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