One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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