So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why is your signature on my underwear?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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