whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
