booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
