Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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