used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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