When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
