sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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