Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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