She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
