I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dear god my vagina.
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