haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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