I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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