last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
