you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
