Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
