It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
