You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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