Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(909): View more from California

I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.

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(909): I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars. http://tfl.nu/cj0n

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(315): View more from New York

if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!

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(315): if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all! http://tfl.nu/te8n

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(520): View more from Arizona

just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF

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(520): just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF http://tfl.nu/k653

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(305): View more from Florida

you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out

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(305): you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out http://tfl.nu/dfjh

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"

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(401): You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk" http://tfl.nu/xogg

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(318): View more from Louisiana

This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.

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(318): This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out. http://tfl.nu/skdx

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(555): View more from

Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.

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(555): Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me. http://tfl.nu/aho3

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(330): View more from Ohio

So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...

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(330): So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers... http://tfl.nu/y9ah

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(817): View more from Texas

His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart

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(817): His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart http://tfl.nu/4nfy

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.

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(502): Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer. http://tfl.nu/e067

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(813): View more from Florida

Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.

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(813): Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night. http://tfl.nu/yhd7

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?

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(603): Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message? http://tfl.nu/3a2d

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(650): View more from California

My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.

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(650): My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings. http://tfl.nu/futo

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(773): View more from Illinois

Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.

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(773): Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days. http://tfl.nu/hblx

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(310): View more from California

Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.

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(310): Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded. http://tfl.nu/s8id

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