just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.