There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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