i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.