We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny