when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip