When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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