fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
