Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
