TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
