I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
