You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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