if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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