What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
