planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Found the puke drawer
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
