Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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