The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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