Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
