Your face is a jimmy john
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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