he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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