ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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