Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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