dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
