we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
