IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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