it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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