i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I deserve this hangover.
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