he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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