apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize