go do what you do best...puke behind churches
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
