god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
