made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
