also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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