This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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