Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm always down for nudity.
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