ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
