I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
