I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
