Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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